DIARY OF ABUSE BY OGRE (what I shall call him)

Recorded by Me from October 19, 2010 through March 14, 2011
(WARNING:  This contains explicit language)

PREFACE:

Although I have been mentally, verbally and physically abused by my husband, Ogre, for many years, until now, I did not keep a record of exactly when such events occurred. 

Physical abuse began to occur in our relationship in 2004, after Ogre got into debt of $65,000 day trading, and begged me to buy a pool business so he would have somewhere to work.  Once I did, he became more and more controlling.  I suddenly became very ill from the end of 2004 onwards.  I had diarrhea often as much as 20-25 times per day, and I had difficulty walking or thinking.  Ogre often joked that he was poisoning me by putting broken glass and other poisons in my food, and that was what was keeping me ill and causing my diarrhea.  For approximately a year and a half, from 2005 to 2006, I was very ill and unable to get out of bed most of the time.  Ogre refused to take me to a doctor.  I often woke up in my room to find him holding a mirror under my nose, or placing his ear close to my chest.  He said he was checking to see if I was still breathing!

From 2004 on, Ogre forbade me to go outside the house without him.  He would get angry if any of the neighbours saw me, and I was not allowed to speak with any of them.  He said it was embarrassing for him to have a fat ugly wife.  He did not allow me to speak to friends on the phone, unless he was present.  I began speaking on the phone late at night when he was asleep or during the day when he was at work.  He refused to take me to grocery stores or to buy clothing.  He opened all my mail, and confiscated my debit cards and PIN numbers.  He refused to bring me to get identification from the State of Florida. 

Most of the physical abuse prior to 2010 consisted of pushing, shoving, slapping, and opening cupboards above my head which I was not aware of and would bump into, causing bruises and cuts.  At one point, in 2007 or 2008 (I don't remember exactly), Ogre threw a blood pressure monitor at my head, causing a bleeding wound.  He refused to bring me to the doctor, and went out to get “butterfly” bandages to treat the wound.  

In late 2008, I discovered I have Celiac Disease and can not consume gluten.  In early 2009, Ogre brought home a package of powdered gluten from the grocery store and told me he now had the means to poison me more easily. 

I never told anyone about the physical abuse except that I had mentioned one incident of pushing to a friend in 2007.  I often told online friends about the mental and verbal abuse.  On occasion, some friends had suggested that I should leave.  Whenever I threatened to call the police, Ogre reminded me that he had friends and customers who were members of the Riviera Beach Police Department, including one who held a very high rank, as Commander, Customer/Cop.  He told me if I ever called the police, nothing would happen to him, but he would kill me.    

At some point in late August 2010, Ogre pushed me to the floor in the kitchen.  My left knee hit the hardwood floor and began to swell.  Ogre laughed as I was clutching my knee in agony and kicked the injured knee repeatedly.  He refused to take me to a doctor, and told me to “grow up” or he would kill me.  This incident terrified me and I began to realize that I could be seriously hurt or that Ogre may kill me.  I lived in constant fear for my life from that point forward.    

Beginning, October 19, 2010, this diary is a record of violent incidents as they occur, which I intend to maintain a running record of.  If I’m seriously injured or I die at the hands of Ogre, I hope someone will find this diary, and turn it over to the authorities. 

DIARY

10/19:  Ogre came home in a foul mood about something that happened.  He scared me out of my wits.  I tried to lock myself in my room, but he began to scream at me that he would break down the door if I didn’t let him in.  He slapped me roughly across my face several times.

10/21:  Ogre spent the evening screaming at me and telling me how useless I am, how fat I am, how ugly I am.  I was in the kitchen cooking and he came down to yell at me some more.  He pushed me back against the countertop.  He broke a glass in front of me and stepped on it, and threatened to kill me with it.  He held up a piece of glass and said he was going to cut me with it and leave me to bleed to death.  He laughed maniacally, but stopped and walked away.  I finally told my friend Old Friend Who Is Blind And Lives In Another State about some of this, and the past incidents, and he said it sounds like I’m being abused and I should call a domestic violence hotline.  I called and they said this is domestic violence. 

10/23:  I saw Ogre watching gay porn on his computer again.  It was two guys having sex with each other. 

10/28:  Ogre was in a foul mood after he came back from “errands”.  He was slamming things, cussing over and over.  He threw a can at my head, which hit me, causing a bump, and he said I deserved to die. 

10/31:  Ogre was in a terrible mood today.  I tried to stay in my room all day, but he came in and insisted I come out this afternoon.  He told me he was going to kill me.  I went downstairs to the kitchen. He picked up a metal rod thing and chased me back upstairs to my room.  I tried to lock the door but he pushed through it and said he would break it down, if he had to.  I cowered in the corner, making myself as small as possible, as the domestic violence hotline had told me to do.  He came over, towering over me and asked me if I was ready to die.  I started crying and said “No, please don’t kill me.”  He stood over me for a while and then said “Okay, you are off the hook this time.” 

I sent an email to Friends giving them the name of Riviera Beach Police Department asking them to contact them if I went missing or was killed.  I also asked Best Friend to write it down over the phone.  I really think he might kill me.  I don’t know if Riviera Beach Police will help or not, but if I die, he has to be held responsible. 

11/2:  Ogre came home in a good mood, but while I was in the kitchen, his mood changed and he came into the kitchen and spat at me.  I went to the bathroom to clean off the spit.  When I came back, I caught him putting gluten into the food I was preparing to eat. 

11/3:  Ogre had a doctor’s appointment and was in a foul mood because his schedule was messed up having to take an afternoon off.  He called me multiple times yelling at me.  When he came home from the doctor’s appointment, I was trying to hide in my room.  He came in there and slapped me across the face several times.  He said he thought I was sleeping.  I told him I wanted a divorce and could not take this anymore.  He agreed but said I would never make it on my own. 

He discussed how we should split our assets.  I was shocked that he was agreeable and would give me so much.  He said I could have the $16,000 I put down on the house, the $50,000 I invested in the business, plus half the balance of the business value ($45,000), the full current value of the Corvette ($15,000-$20,000), and half the funds in the business checking account.  He said I could have the Neon in case I ever drove again.  He would pay me off over time at the rate of $2,500-$3,000 per month.  He would keep his life insurance policy with me as beneficiary, and he would make a will with me as executor and beneficiary, so I could sell the business if he died before paying me off.  I would take 4 or 5 cats (Kai, Jemima, Rikki, Socs and, maybe Lucy).  He would keep the house and care for the others and the gerbils.  We would have to get the taxes done for that year, and then negotiate them down, and paid.  He said it would take us about 6 months to accomplish all of this.   

I told him that if he killed me before the divorce, my friends would call the police and tell them he had threatened me.  He laughed and said he had contacts there, so good luck to me.  He wanted to know who I had said this to, and I wouldn’t tell him.  So, he pushed me onto the ground. 

11/10:  Ogre came home in an absolute rage and started yelling at me that I’m a no good piece of crap.  I tried to stay quiet, but he came up and got right into my face.  I asked him to please leave me alone then.  He pushed me hard and I fell to the ground.  He made an effort to stomp on me then, pressing one foot into my tummy. 

11/13:  Ogre spent the entire day, in between his “errands”, yelling at me.  I was walking across the floor and he put out a leg and tripped me over.  I fell to the floor.  He laughed and said that’s exactly where I belong, and he spat on me. 

11/14:  Ogre made a hair appointment for me for today.  He brought me there, bitching the whole way about what an inconvenience it was for him to have to drive me.  He said he’d pick me up in 2 hours.  He didn’t come back for 4 hours and I was left sitting there, waiting.  I was crying when he got there.  When we got home, he pushed me into the bathroom door as I tried to walk into it.  It hurt my shoulder. 

11/22:  Ogre got up in a foul mood and came into my room.  I was asleep so he slapped me hard to wake me up.  He told me to stand up and when I did, he pushed me and I fell backwards. 

11/24:  I caught Ogre putting gluten in the food I was cooking in the kitchen.  That means I’ll be sick again.  Great! 

12/1:  Ogre flew into a rage in the kitchen for no apparent reason, and he came up behind me and started pulling my hair and pulling me backwards.  I fell on my back on the floor.  I tried to get up on my knees to beg him not to hurt me.  He pushed me back down with his knee and spat on me. 

12/4:  Ogre got up in a mood and started ripping into me that I’m useless and lazy and don’t do anything right.  He slapped me across the face multiple times.  When I started crying, he spat at me. 

12/8:  Because it’s cold, the front door was stuck, and Ogre was having trouble getting it open when he came back from wherever he went.  He came upstairs and slammed his fist into my chair.  Then, he pushed my chair over with me in it, and I fell on the floor.  The chair fell somewhat on me, and I tried to crawl out from under it.  He said he should “finish the job” and kill me because I’m such a piece of crap. 

12/10:  I asked Ogre if I could go to DC for New Year’s to look around the area, meet Female Internet Friend, and see how it would be to live there.  I was surprised when he said yes, very quickly.  Maybe he has a man he wants to get together with or something.  I wonder if there’s going to be a catch to him agreeing like this?  He said I should stay in a hotel, and not to stay with Female Internet Friend. 

12/12:  Ogre wanted me to watch TV with him tonight, but I wasn’t feeling well.  I think he might have put gluten in my food again.  After only a few minutes, I said I was going to bed.  He may have thought I was asleep because I got up to go to the bathroom, and he was watching gay porn (guy/guy) in his office again.  He didn’t hear me go past.   

12/13:  Ogre came back from wherever he went and told me I was a fat ugly cow and I shouldn’t go to DC for New Year’s because no one would like me once they meet me.  I asked him straight up if he was gay.  He was shocked that I asked him, and at first was quiet, then he repeated back to me "Am I gay?" and I said, "Yes, are you gay?" He said then "Of course, I'm not gay." And I said "Then, why do you watch gay porn?" He said "I don't." I said, "Ogre, I saw you, I've seen you three times now, and it's okay. There's nothing wrong with being gay." He said "I was probably watching 2 guys and a girl, and you probably caught it right at the moment the 2 guys were going at it, and the girl was watching from somewhere else in the room." I said "Ogre, in those porn movies, the guys don't get together, they get with the girl, and take turns or do her at the same time. They don't do each other. It's only in gay porn that the guys get together." He was kind of stumped at that one. Then, he got mad and said "I'm not gay." I said "It would explain a lot and why you've never wanted to have sex with me in the last 12 years, except at the very beginning, and even then, it was pretty seldom." He said again "It doesn't explain anything. I just don't feel like sex most of the time." I said "It's okay to be gay. There's nothing wrong with it, and maybe if you came to terms with it, you wouldn't be so unhappy all the time." He scoffed and said really sarcastically "Yeah, right, there's nothing wrong with it." I said "Just because your father thinks so, doesn't mean most people do."

Then, he got more pissed off at me and threw a box at me, which hit my head.  Then, he slipped up and admitted that he has at least two trading accounts, and that he’s been trading for a long time now.  I reminded him that he had promised if he ever traded again, I could get a divorce and sell the pool business.  He slammed the door in my face. 

12/15:  I made a mistake in the billing and accidentally charged a customer’s credit card twice.  The customer called Ogre and he was livid with me.  He pushed me into the wall really hard and punched my shoulder.  It’s so painful now. 

12/17:  Ogre came home in a rage and told me that I’ll never make my trip to DC (planned for New Year) because he’s going to kill me first, so maybe I should just book a flight for a coffin.  I tried to go downstairs, but he came behind me and pushed me, right before I got to the bottom of the stairs.  I fell and hit my head on the wall across from the stairs.  I have a bruise on my forehead. 

12/23:  I was laying in bed when Ogre came home.  He came in and dragged me out of the bed, yanking on my shoulder.  He told me I was lazy and hadn’t done everything he expected me to do.  I’m not sure what I was supposed to do, as usual.  He shook my chair really hard as I went to sit in it. 

12/26:  Ogre told me I had to work on an answer to the complaint of the latest lawsuit he’s been served with for whatever it is he keeps getting sued for.  It’s going to take me a couple of days to do it, and I still have to pack for my trip and do the billing for the business.  I asked him to proof read part of it.  He was irate that I would ask him to do such a thing.  He slammed me into the door between the garage and the house.  Sometimes, I wonder if he’s going to kill me before I even get to go on my trip. 

12/29-1/2/11:  I got to go on my trip for 5 whole days.  Ogre even dropped me off at the airport.  I was healthy the whole time.  I can’t believe it.  I had no diarrhea, and was never sick.  I haven’t felt this good in years.  Ogre never even called me the whole trip until about 10 p.m. on New Year’s Eve when he called to wish me a Happy New Year.  He said he was going to bed.  I didn’t call him back. 

| called Ogre on 1/2 as I was going to the airport.  Ogre picked me up at the airport that evening.  He told me I should leave on another trip to check out more of the area and find an apartment.  What is going on?  It’s not like him to suggest this.  I never thought he’d let me go anywhere.  He handed me a package from Old Friend.  He wasn’t happy she had sent me anything, and as usual, he had opened my mail.  He kept getting up all night long after that.  He caught me talking to Old Friend on the phone in the garage and wasn’t happy about it.  Another time during the night, he came into my room and woke me up. 

1/3:  I made Ogre dinner in an attempt to keep the peace.  When he saw me eating it, he started yelling at me that I’m fat and my belly is huge.  He wanted me to strip and get on the scale.  He tried to pull my clothes off me.  I told him that I wouldn’t do it and he had no right to try to make me strip.  He was very aggressive and broke or pulled out something which made the TV not work.  He turned towards me and I thought he was going to kill me for a moment.  But he walked away.  I went upstairs to my room. 

A while later, I came downstairs to find Ogre sprinkling powdered gluten on the chairs in the kitchen.  I asked him to please stop, because he was making me sick.  He pushed me to the ground and kicked me in the stomach, telling me I deserved it and more.  I begged him to stop, but he said he ought to just kill me. 

1/5:  Ogre came into my room this morning and dragged me out of bed by my hair.  I fell to the ground in my room, as he dragged me.  He yelled and said he wanted to kill me right then and there. 

1/6:  I went to bed when I heard Ogre’s truck pull in from work, and tried to sleep.  A couple of hours later, Ogre came in and started slapping me across the face and shoulders, and shaking me aggressively.  He said I had no right to sleep.   

1/7:  Ogre came home from getting dinner in a rage, slamming doors and yelling to himself.  I took a few deep breaths before coming downstairs.  I went into the kitchen and he yelled at me that I was late for dinner.  He had only come home a few minutes before.  He stomped on my toe really hard.  I was barefoot.  He was wearing cowboy boots.  I believe my toe is broken because it’s bent, very red, and swollen.  I asked him if he’d take me to an Urgent Care facility to have them look at my toe.  He said no, then, laughed at me and said he ought to do a lot worse to me.  He told me to sit down and watch Lovejoy. 

My toe continued to hurt.  I asked him if he could get the tape I had given him several months before.  He started yelling at me that I was trying to make him go out and get tape.  I had said nothing of the sort.  He said “Fuck you, you stupid cunt” and went out in a rage.  When he came back, he threw a bag at me which contained 3 rolls of tape.  It hit my head and knocked me over. 

He went upstairs, but was in a terrible rage, glaring down at me, stomping around and throwing things.  I was terrified he was going to hurt me even worse. 

1/8:  I stayed in my room all day to avoid Ogre and his moods.  At about 10 p.m., he came in and slapped me.  He was angry that I hadn’t taught him how to enter payments from the business.  I told him he could have asked me at any point and I would have.  I got up to go to the bathroom, and as I entered the hall, he pushed me into the wall really hard which hurt my shoulder. 

1/11:  I booked my next flight to DC.  I’m going to go from 2/9 through 2/19.  The Glee App folks are planning our karaoke get together for 2/12.  I hope Ogre won’t be angry about me being gone for 11 days.  He told me I should go for 2-3 weeks, so that’s right in there.   

1/13:  A mysterious sample of Opium perfume showed up in my bathroom.  I asked Ogre where it came from.  He got so mad at the question that he got up and pushed me to the floor. My shoulder hurts so bad.  I think he must have bought it for someone else. 

1/15:  Ogre got incredibly mad at me today because I asked him to go to the post office to send my immigration application for my green card.  He called me all sorts of names, and yelled at me for 15 minutes straight.  He slammed my chair and my tummy hit the keyboard shelf and it hurts. 

1/18:  I discovered that Ogre had addressed the label to immigration in such a sloppy way that it was sent to Birmingham AL, not Phoenix AZ.  When I told Ogre this evening (which I did, only because he asked) he got so angry at me.  He punched walls, slammed doors, and then came up to me and pushed me down on the ground.  Why is everything he does wrong my fault? 

1/20:  Ogre tried to push me down the stairs, but I managed to save myself and hit the wall instead.  I hurt my elbow and my eye hit the light switch as I fell into the wall.  I can see the beginnings of a black eye forming from this as my eye looks very puffy and a little bruised. 

1/24:  I caught Ogre putting gluten in my bed.  No wonder I’m so sick all the time. 

1/25:  Ogre made me some rice.  As he was about to serve it, I saw him sprinkling powdered gluten in it.  When he caught me watching him, he pushed me down to the ground and kicked me in the stomach. 

1/26:  I called around looking for an attorney familiar with domestic violence.  I found one willing to provide a free consultation.  He is on the Palm Beach County Domestic Violence Council.  I will speak with him tomorrow. 

I also spoke with Advocate at the YWCA domestic violence program which I was referred to by the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  She said I need to be very very careful, and that Ogre will probably never give me the settlement we’ve agreed on, and that I’m at the highest risk while he knows I’m thinking of leaving.  I told her I had sent out an email to my friends to call the Riviera Beach Police Department.  She said my friends should call the State Attorney Domestic Violence Unit, not the police, if anything should happen. 

Ogre came home in a foul mood.  He started yelling at me as soon as he walked in the door.  I tried to get into my room, but he caught me on the way, and pushed me into the door jam.  He told me I was a piece of “shit” and completely useless to everyone and anyone. 

I sent out an email to Friends, Internet Friends, and Old Friends with this information.  I’m scared!

1/27:  I spoke with Free Consult Lawyer.  He is very nice and we went through the agreement Ogre and I had made regarding dividing the assets.  He said we could easily agree to this during mediation, and we could have the details drawn up in an agreement signed by both of us prior to mediation.  He told me mediation is always required in divorce cases in Florida.  He said that we could have mediation very quickly if we used a private mediator, although they are more expensive than court-appointed mediators, but they are also better.  I asked him if I would be safe during mediation, and what would happen if Ogre decided to renege on our agreement.  He said that he would be there with me, and that we would get Ogre to sign our agreement before the mediation, then, simply present that to the mediator.  He also advised me that I could get a restraining order against Ogre, which is separate from the divorce, and that if I did that, Ogre would have to stay out of the house for two weeks.  He asked me if that would be enough time for me to pack and leave.  I said I thought so.  He felt that Ogre would not be willing to stick to our agreement if I ever got a restraining order against him, however, so he thought I might be best served putting up with the violence, until such time as I was ready to leave, and Ogre had signed papers agreeing to the division of marital assets, as long as I believed that Ogre would not kill me.  I told him that I was going back to the DC area to look for an apartment within a couple of weeks, and that I would speak with him again when I came back, and determine how to proceed. 

1/29:  Ogre came back from shopping in a terrible rage.  I tried to stay out of his way as much as possible.  Then, tonight, he got angry with me over nothing.  I don’t even know what he was so angry about.  He started pushing my head into the wall over and over and over.  I thought he was going to kill me.  I begged him to stop.  I was dizzy and nauseous.  I think I have a bit of a concussion because I’m very sleepy.  I can feel a lump, and I’m sure I’ll have bruises from this. 

1/30:  Ogre got all dressed up, even wearing cologne, for a “visit to his father’s”.  He was gone all day.  He must think I’m really stupid.  It’s perfectly obvious to me that he went on a date.  He’s been talking about Mistress a lot lately.  I assume that’s who he’s seeing.  I never thought before that he cheated on me.  Now, I’m beginning to wonder just how much he has cheated on me.  When he came back, he ran right into the shower as quickly as he could.  At least, he was in a fairly decent mood though. 

2/6:  Ogre took off today for another “trip” to his father’s that lasted all day.  When he came back, he took a shower.  I went into his office to give him something, and I saw a chat message on Facebook from Mistress saying something about him being the “hottest guy in the world”.  Yeah, now I know there’s something going on.  He tried to hide it.  He thinks I’m so stupid that I haven’t figured this out.  I just wonder how many times he has cheated on me.  

I told him that I’m really sorry but I need passport photos for my British passport application.  He took me to get them, and I asked if I could get a latte at Starbucks, if that wasn’t out of the way.  He said I could make do with Dunkin Donuts.  Then, we went out for some dinner at Duffy’s.  When we got back home, Female Neighbour was walking by and I talked to her for a while.  Ogre claimed he had forgotten something and went running out for it.  When he got back, I was still talking to Female Neighbour.  I told her a little about the situation and that we were getting divorced.  I said that Ogre was abusive.  I probably shouldn’t have done that.  If she tells him what I said, he’ll probably kill me. 

After we got into the house, he was insanely angry with me for speaking with her, and slapped me across the face saying that I was not allowed to speak with the neighbours and I know that.  He’s told me that for years.  I ran up to my room, terrified of him.  I really think he’s going to kill me before he ever lets me get a divorce from him. 

2/8:  Ogre took my British passport application and photo to Male Neighbour to sign.  When he got back, I realized Male Neighbour had used the American date format.  Ogre said he would go down to Male Neighbour’s again, but he flew into a rage when he came back and called me a “fucking lousy bitch”.  I was trying to put away the Christmas decorations and I realized that Rikki (cat_ had urinated on his decorations.  One of them is a stocking his mother made him.  The other is a Santa his grandmother gave him.  He became so irate that he punched the door with his fist.  Then, he came up and punched me in the stomach.  I couldn’t breathe for a minute and lost my balance.  It’s really painful still several hours later.  I’m leaving in the morning for DC and hope I’ll be able to go on the plane. 

2/9 – 2/27:  I went to DC.  The first few days were great.  People like me!  I can’t believe it.  Ogre said no one would want to spend time with me again after the first trip, but he was wrong.  I can’t believe I got this taste of freedom.  Is this what life will be like if I ever do get away from Ogre?  I went to the grocery store a few times.  It was like HEAVEN!

Then, I discovered it was going to be difficult for me to get an apartment because of the income requirements in the area.  My friends were going to co-sign for me, but they did a background check on me.  Apparently, Ogre has previous felony convictions.  It seems he also had another wife that I didn’t know about.  He always told me she was just his girlfriend.  And she may have died, from what I could find.  I decided to stay an extra week.  Ogre is going to be livid with me about this, but I just can’t go home yet.  I’m terrified he’s going to kill me. 

He left me a really mean voice mail on 2/11 saying he needed me to call him about the billing.  I called him back at 9 p.m. but he wasn’t there.  He called me back on Saturday morning, pretending to have gone to bed early.  Again, he thinks I’m stupid. 

When I called to tell him about my change of plans on 2/18, he emailed back nicely, but then, left me a mean message saying he hated my outgoing message.  Typical!

2/27:  Ogre picked me up at the airport in a very bad mood.  He has now removed his wedding ring.  I could tell when I got home that he hadn’t been here very much.  The cats were acting very needy.  I am sure he is seeing Mistress and spent the time I was away with her.  He mentioned her three times and said she was giving him advice about the divorce.  He said we don’t even need a lawyer, and can do it all online. 


When we got home, he told me that I have to leave the house by 4/1 and he doesn’t care whether I’m homeless or not, because he is going to throw me out.  He said he wants to date and sleep with women and have them stay here.  When I explained that I hadn’t found an apartment because of the income requirements, he angrily me to forge a tax return for the property managers in DC because I’m not going to be allowed to stay here any longer.  If I try to stay longer, he will kill me.

3/4:  Ogre is still irate with me and wants me to leave by 4/1.  I’ve been so sick the last few days since I came home.  It’s much worse than usual.  I believe he is poisoning me again.  He had the nerve to tell me Mistress recommended the BRAT diet.  I asked him if it was because of Mistress that he wants me to leave and if he was involved with her.  I think he was surprised I knew.  He said “No, she’s involved with someone, and he wouldn’t like it if I was seeing her.”  Then, he got mad and started following me around the house, yelling at me, and walking very close behind me, threatening me with his fists and pushing his knees into my back.  I was walking down the stairs, and had gotten about 2/3 of the way down when he came up behind me and shoved me really hard with his knees.  I fell down the rest of the stairs and onto the hardwood floor and hit my head. 

3/5:  I’ve been trying so hard to avoid Ogre by going to sleep around the time he comes home, and only being awake when he’s not here or when he’s at work.  I don’t know what to do anymore.  I’m so scared of him.  Is he going to throw me out on the street, after all that I’ve done for him?  Is he going to kill me?   

3/6:  Ogre left early to go on another trip to his “father’s”.  He was gone almost all day.  I pretended to be asleep when he came home and he took a shower.  I fell asleep, but a few minutes later, he came into my room and woke me up, shaking me, and pulling me off the bed by my shoulders, putting his face right up into mine.  He asked me if I had made any plans to leave yet.  I told him I still wasn’t feeling well, and that I had not been able to find a place to go.  He slapped me across the face, and threw me back down on the bed.  He said I needed to leave by 4/1 or I was out on the street.  Obviously, he’s been with Mistress again, and that’s why he’s so anxious that I leave so quickly.

3/10:  Ogre looked into my room this morning and I wasn’t able to pretend to be asleep quickly enough.  He came in and asked me if there was anything wrong.  I said no.  He laughed at me and said obviously I knew what was wrong.   He said I seemed depressed, and that he had talked to Customer/Therapist about me.  She is one of his customers, who is also a counselor of some sort.  I have spoken to her before in regards to her thyroid issues.  He said that she asked about me and he told her he was getting a divorce and that I seemed depressed.  He said she was willing to talk to me about it, and she said that depression is normal during a divorce.  I didn’t tell him that I was actually depressed about the thoughts of him throwing me out on the street or killing me.  What’s the point?  He wouldn’t care.  Then, he told me I had to forge a tax return to get an apartment in DC.  I became a little assertive and said no.  I knew this would put me at risk of him hurting me, and I tried to stop myself.  He came over to my bed and shook me roughly and told me I was holding his life up.  He yelled at me that we had important things to discuss so he could get on with his life, and I needed to talk to him, and pull myself together, and get the hell out of his house.  I started crying and asked him if he remembered that I was the one who bought the house.  He got really angry and pushed me back down on the bed and slapped me across the face, and left.  He came back a while later and gave me Customer/Therapist’s number.  I called her and I think she was shocked to hear that there was domestic violence involved.  She said she would set up a Skype session with me the following day. 

3/11:  Ogre caught me awake in my room again this morning.  He pretended to be nice for a minute, and asked me what was wrong again.  I told him again that I was very worried about his demands that I leave by 4/1 because I have nowhere to go.  He became aggressive and slapped me across the face.  I got up, went downstairs, and tried to walk towards the front door as the domestic violence hotline had suggested, so that I could run outside if he became more violent.  He was so angry that I was really really afraid of him, more than usual.  I wondered if Customer/Therapist had told him what I told her about him abusing me.  He came after me angrily and positioned himself between me and the front door.  Then, he began yelling at me that he wasn’t feeling well because he hated having me here, and it was just too uncomfortable for him, and telling me that I had no choice other than to forge a tax return and that he insisted I do it, to provide the property manager’s in DC with proof of my income so that I could leave.  I refused and said I was not going to commit fraud.  He came right up to me, got in my face for a minute and then slapped me again, really hard, across the face.  He tried to push me over and I almost fell to the ground, but I put out my left hand and broke my fall.  My thumb bent backwards and it hurt.  He grabbed my thumb and pulled it backwards further.  It hurt even worse. 

But somehow the pain made me mad and something came over me.  I finally got the courage to say this is my home and I’m not leaving until I can find another place to live, so he will just have to put up with it.  He said he couldn’t continue having to deal with me being here, and that he wanted to be able to date other women, so if I was going to stay here, I had to allow him to spend nights away, and to come and go as he pleased. 

My newfound courage held up, for a change, and I told him I knew he had a girlfriend, that I knew it was Mistress, that it had been going on for years, and that he should move in with her.  He became very aggressive again, and raised his fist to me, telling me that he was not going to do anything I wanted.  I told him that I was staying here because it’s my house, and I paid the down payment and the mortgage for years, and I bought the pool business, the Corvette he loves to drive around, and I had done so much for him, that he had no right to treat me this way.  He wasn’t used to seeing me be assertive and I think it surprised him that he couldn’t completely control me anymore. 

He walked away sulking.  A few minutes later, he said he would ask Mistress if he could move in.  But he would still want to come here as he pleased.  I held my ground and said no, that he would not be able to cross the threshold without my consent.  He said he had to continue to use the garage for the business.  I said that was okay, but he could not invade my space. 

He tried to push me again, but I backed off.  I told him if he ever touched me again, I would call the police without hesitation, videotape it, and that I expected him to be out of here as soon as possible.  He seemed very shocked at my assertiveness, but he responded that I’d never call the police.  And anyway, he reminded me, he has friends with the police.  He reminded me that Customer/Cop is now a Commander at the Riviera Beach Police Department.  He also said that if I ever called them, he’d have his cop buddies fix it, and then, he might just kill me anyway, which I deserve.  I said I meant what I had said, and I would call them if he ever laid another hand on me.  He left to go to work. 

At 11 a.m., he called to ask my opinion on the attorneys he was speaking with about the latest lawsuit that had been served on him.  I asked if he had talked to Mistress about moving in.  He said he had, and that she was okay with it.  He said we would speak about it further that evening.  I went to bed, as usual, at 5 p.m., so I could avoid any further confrontation. 

3/12:  I remained in my room during the morning to avoid Ogre.  He spent most of the morning out.  He called three times and I didn’t pick up the phone.  He came home at about 4:30 p.m. and told me he was going to spend the night with Mistress.  I was disgusted, but at the same time, relieved that I would have a night of peace to myself.  He told me he was going to move in with her the following Saturday, but would begin moving his stuff over there during the week, and that he would spend some nights that week with her. 

He then spoke to me as if I was some kind of friend, which was very strange and uncomfortable.  He admitted to having slept with 12 other women during our marriage, as if it was no big deal.  I asked if one was Customer/Mistress, the woman he’d gone on a date with in 2010, which I’d been upset about when I found out after the fact, and who was now his customer.  He said yes, that he did sleep with her.  I asked who the others were, and if one of them was Co-Worker/Chicago, a woman he worked with in Chicago.  He said he did sleep with Co-Worker/Chicago, but the others “didn’t matter”, other than I knew some of them. 

He then admitted that I had been right about him watching gay porn, and that he had what he called “gay tendencies” since he was a teenager, but said he was able to suppress them most of the time.  I asked if he had slept with men during our marriage.  He said he wasn’t ready to talk about that yet, but maybe.  By this point, I was thoroughly disgusted and wanted to vomit.  He left just before 7 p.m. to go to Mistress’s house for their “date” saying he would be back around noon the following day.  I’m glad to have the night to myself, and not to be abused, but I’m so disgusted that in order to have peace, I have to watch my husband go out to sleep with another woman.  How can my life have become this? 

3/13:  Ogre didn’t come back until 6:30 p.m.  He began washing his sheets right when he got in the door.  He said he felt guilty about leaving me all alone here, and how would I manage to survive without him, since I’m so useless at everything I do?  He then said he was going to bed early.  I went upstairs to my desk. 

As he was about to go to bed, he walked by my desk, swung me around in my chair, and said that Mistress told him he was much better in bed than Male Next Door Neighbour (the neighbour he has cyber stalked and been obsessed with since 2007), who he claimed she described as being “terrible in bed”, and that he had a much bigger “dick” than Male Next Door Neighbour, she told him.  He was absolutely thrilled to tell me this, and went into further details of their sexual escapades.  I went to the bathroom and threw up.  I realized that he’s only seeing Mistress because of his obsession with Male Next Door Neighbour!!  It’s not even about her, it’s about Male Next Door Neighbour.  He *has* to have the only woman he knows of who was with Male Next Door Neighbour.  This man is insane and he’s still my husband.  And now, I have to listen to him talk about having sex with someone else? 

When he saw me throwing up, he came into the bathroom and slapped me and told me to get a grip of myself.  I told him I was disgusted with what my life had come to, and he said it’s all I deserve in life because I’m a “fucking cunt”. 

3/14:  At about 3 a.m., I was on the phone with Male Blind Friend in Another State in the garage.  Ogre opened the door roughly and said he was feeling anxiety over the move, and didn’t think he was going to be able to do it.  He went back into the house.  Thirty minutes later, he came out to the garage again and yelled at me that he was not going to move.  The same thing happened about thirty minutes after that.  He slammed the door between the garage and the house several times. 

At 5 a.m., he came to the garage again yelling that he was not going to leave and that I couldn’t force him to. 

At about 7 a.m., I was off the phone and he started yelling and screaming at me that he had every right to stay in the house.  He raised his hand to strike me.  I had my iPhone in my hand, and I told him that I was going to videotape him hitting me, and I would call the police.  He said “I oughta kill you right now.”  I told him he had to leave that night because I was not going to put up with his abuse any longer.  I told him that if he did not leave and if he ever touched me again, I wouldn’t hesitate to call the police. 

A little before 10 a.m., Ogre called me and said “I’m sorry for my part in what happened this morning.”  I said “You need to leave tonight because I am not going to put up with any more abuse.”  He responded angrily “Yeah, I get it.  Nothing has changed since this morning,” and hung up.  I called back a few minutes later and left a message that he needed to pack all his stuff, and he could take off from work early to do so, but he had to leave by that evening.  

I called Lawyer I’d Consulted With’s office to see if he could represent me and to determine what I could do.  He said he hoped Ogre would move out.  He said he would send me a retainer agreement by email. 

Ogre didn’t come home until almost 7 p.m.  I was on the phone with my friend Gay Guy I Knew From Thyroid Site when he came in the door.  He was extremely angry.  He kept walking by me giving me menacing looks, stomping his feet, slamming doors, and shaking his fist at me.  I was terrified.  Gay Guy I Knew From Thyroid Site suggested that I keep my iPhone in one hand, and my house phone in the other, so I could telephone the police with the house phone and videotape whatever he was doing with the other hand.  Unfortunately, Gay Guy I Knew From Thyroid Site had to hang up and go.  I wanted him to stay on the phone with me and I was hoping Ogre would leave.    

I saw Ogre in the kitchen making his lunch.  I asked him if he was leaving.  He became very aggressive and said that he had talked to two divorce lawyers that day and he had rights and wasn’t going to leave.  I asked him to leave immediately and again stated that I was not going to put up with more abuse from him, and that I would call the police if he tried to hurt me.  He said “I’m going to kill you then.” 

He then walked into the garage and put on a latex glove on his left hand, and picked up an empty wine bottle from the recyclables bin.  I don’t know where the gloves even came from.  I had never seen them in the garage before.  He came up into my face holding the wine bottle by the neck above his head, but pointing out towards me.  He said “I’m going to hit you. I’m going to kill you, bitch.”  He also said “Remember, I know how to hide forensic evidence.  I clean pools.  I have the equipment to clean blood.  You are dead.  No one will ever know, bitch, no one.  You will be considered missing.  You'll have run away with some guy I will say you were having a fucking affair with.  I even packed your fucking suitcase.  I got this.  I'm fucking smart as shit. I got this.  You are dead, cunt. You are so dead and you don't even know.” 

I immediately began taping him on my iPhone and asked him what he was going to do.  He saw that I was videotaping and became silent for a second.  I asked him why he had a glove on and why he had a bottle in his hand and if he had threatened me.  He backed away from me and said “Oh you’re so smart, call the police then.”  He pulled off the glove and threw away the wine bottle.  I mentioned some of the times he had committed violence against me.  He refused to leave the house and denied the abuse.  I told him he needed to leave the house right there and then because I was terrified and in fear for my life.  I told him we could do this peacefully and he could leave there and then, or I would call the police and get a restraining order against him.  He told me I should leave.  I said I had nowhere to go, and I asked him again to leave and stop threatening me.  He said he wasn’t leaving.  I called the police. 

I noticed the garbage bags, heavy duty, that were on the table.  He bought them for what?  To dispose of my body?  What was he going to do?  OMG. 

When the police arrived at the house, he came downstairs.  He was very aggravated and the police officers asked him to calm down.  One officer spoke to him in the living room, while another spoke to me in the kitchen.  A sergeant came up to me and asked what had happened.  I showed him the video.  He asked me to replay it a second time.  Then, he told me I had been abused for a long time, and he could tell.  He went to the living room and asked Ogre “Was there something to do with a bottle and a glove?”  Ogre said “She said she was going to call the police, so I got the glove and the bottle and was going to hit myself in the head with it, and say she did it.  Then, we’d both spend the night in jail.”  The police officers then arrested him and charged him with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, a felony. 

Officer Nice Cop took my statement by audiotape, and advised me that I could get a restraining order in civil court at the North County Court House the following morning.  He told me Ogre would be held on bond because of the nature of the charge, which is a third degree felony of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.  He also told me that someone from the court would contact me if Ogre was let out on bond.